1st off, there's only one review here and you may or may not be surprised with which one it is. Depends on how well you know me.
So, one is a reveiw and the other is a rant. Can you guess now?

You guessed right if you thought the review is on Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day.
Let me just say that if you're not a fan of the first movie, this isn't really for you. It's about much of the same from the first. Just a refresher: Boondock Saints is about two Irish brothers living in Boston who receive a revelation (whether through God or they're own epiphany) to become holy avengers against criminals. So they go out and kill the whicked and unjust vigilante style. It's a stylized movie that is a little over the top, but not by much. If you're Irish, white and feel like unleashing some holy justice and bad people this movie will resonate with you. The second installment plays out like the first. The brothers carry out some righteousness, but you don't get to see it until the special agent tells you how it happened and it leads up to a final duel between the brothers and the main antagonist.
*SPOILER ALERT*
In All Saints Day the brothers are called back to Boston by a copycat who seems to be framing them by killing a catholic priest in a fashion similar to their style. They arrive and befriend damn near 100% Mexican stereotype in Romeo. Seriously, Romeo becomes the poster-boy for why the stereotypes exist, but I feel he's over the top on this just for comedic sake since he is clearly the comic relief, replacing Rocco from the first movie. The brothers plan a hit on some Chinese mobsters potentially linked to the guy who had the priest killed. The hit almost ends in disaster as Conner's (Sean Patrick Flannery) movie style plan almost backfires. This leads them to a mob boss played well by Judd Nelson and the priest's killer (who has a Napoleon complex) and a confrontation with an old family friend, sort of. Now I mentioned that we learn how the hits play out the special agent laying it out for us. In the first movie it was Special Agent Smecker played excellently by Willem Dafoe. In the sequel the role is filled by Smecker's protege Special Agent Bloom played by Judy Benz. Bloom is not as brilliant a character as Smecker. It's hard to top a gay, crossdressing FBI agent who analyzes crime scenes listening to classical music and devising crime scenes with near perfect efficiency who was played by a great actor. What Bloom lacks in depth, she more than makes up for in sexuality. Her introduction is a minute long slow-motion walk where all you see is her stockings and very high heels and the three detectives who worked with the brothers in the first film swooning over her. She sports sexy, yet respectable work attire and potentially bringing the giant belts of the 80's back into popularity with a holster added to the front of it and a so-so southern belle accent. Judy brings a MILF kind of feel to her since you can tell she's probably not the youngest of the main cast. And Troy Duffy takes full advantage of her sexuality in the film, never afraid to flaunt her when she works her magic on the crime scenes. If she didn't look so hot I would have gotten fed up with it after the her first scene. She even sports a cowgirl outfit and shows off some gunslinging as one of the last shootouts plays out.
For most of the movie there's quite a bit of comedy until the last 20 minutes. Then it gets serious as the whole plot unfolds and the brother's father's past comes back to haunt them. All in all it's an okay movie. I enjoyed it, but mostly because I enjoyed the first so well in which the sequel is a far cry from. It doesn't have the same charm as the first, but it's entertaining in it's own right. I'd recommend renting it or buying if you really want to. It's not really worth the price of admission. Doesn't make it a bad movie, it's just not worth the money it costs to see a movie unless you're a fan.
And I hope Troy Duffy has learned his lesson about NOT acting like an asshole and getting yourself black listed in Hollywood. Otherwise he's probably be enjoying more box office gross.


Which brings me to the rant...
Apparently New Moon is so far having the 3rd best opening of all time and is trying to be the best grossing movie of all time. The latter I don't think will happen, but that idea of it beating out Dark Knight and Titanic really irks me.
I've been talking with friends and co-workers (since working in a theater it's hard to avoid talking about it) and for life of me I can't see why this movie is so successful.
Granted, I haven't seen it, but I have no intention of seeing it either. I doubt I need to though. With all the advertising and merchandising I'm seeing for this series and all the commercials and stories of it on TV, I have come to the conclusion that this series is nothing more than a girl's wet dream.
I reluctantly saw the first movie I was really unimpressed. It was about 2 hours of a bullshit romance between a fairy-like vampire with the personality of a dish rag and even lamer infatuation with a girl who's just personality-challenged as he is. As I watch the whole sappy garbage play out, seeing a very unlikely romance between two people who seem to love each other before they even meet as if it's "destiny". I believe that love at first sight is possible, but not this. Besides, love at first sight basically tells me that you love someone because of what they look like. In other words, a superficial love. Which tells me that this is what the story is about: a superficial infatuation between to very bland people who, if they actually got to know each in real life, wouldn't be as interested in one another.
And so, far in all the commercials and news stories I'm seeing all I see it the main girl being weepy and sappy over her two dull love interests. She reminds me of the damsels archetype in many action movies. She's just there as motivation for the hero to do good and look good when she gets face time. She does nothing and contributes nothing, but trouble for the the hero. The other thing I see a lot is the two leading male with their shirts off a lot. It's that fact right there that's brought me to my conclusion of the "wet dream" theory.
Do women really want to be like this girl? Obsessing over a guy who's probably more of a mental and emotional abuse on any woman who falls for him than he is someone who's worth the love and admiration. There's a reason why bad boys and the tortured soul types never make for good husbands or lifetime partners. They're so wrapped up in themselves and being bad or mopey than they could ever be for their lover. No matter how much he might really love her, it's always about him. Why else would the jackass leave her in the middle of a forest? "I can't let you get hurt. I have to protect you by leaving you." If he really loves her he's not going to leave her without a fight. And what about how she feels? It doesn't matter apparently that she's willing to take whatever risks that are involved. And if this guy is so wishy washy about how he feels why is she still going to him? Why torture herself over this guy? One reason: he's hot. Or at least she thinks he is. I don't know how the author envisioned the character, but I'm comfortable in my own sexuality that I can say that I don't find him the least bit attractive physically, let alone in any other way. I don't see what women see in this character. But if they didn't consider him attractive would it make sense for the girl to keep pursing him? I seriously doubt it. And who's the one that comes along to pick up the pieces of her heart? It's not Ducky (Sixteen Candles) or any other "less than attractive" best friend, who's the most likely one to be there for her. No, it's ANOTHER super attractive guy who likes to take his shirt off. Bullshit! Stehpanie Meyer doesn't even try to hide her shallowness. Yes, the next guy who helps her and she falls for another hunk. now I haven't seen what kind of guy he is, but I doubt he's got more depth than the first drip that came before him.
It just gets more and more ridiculous. And then she tries to cover up all this shallow, sex fantasy BS with an actual storyline that I'm sure keeps getting over shadowed by this unhealthy love triangle. I'm sure there's a lot more details I'm missing, but I'm also sure that most of it is all a smoke screen.
And I'm not even going to get started on what Meyer has done to the mythos of vampires and now werewolves. I'm not a big fan of vampires, but when you make them cute and cuddly for the sole purpose of making a love interest for your pathetic heroine lovable and dreamy to girls you need to be dragged out to the street and shot. And aside from the the damage she's done to the supernatural realm for years to come, let's not forget about the many young girls who will now set their already unrealistic standards to even greater heights with the impression that they are being given about what a "real" man is.
Honestly, if someone can explain this infatuation to me in a way that doesn't reinforce my theory on this subject I'm more than happy to listen. But really this whole thing just tells me that sex will always sell and that women are just as bad as us guys when it comes to thinking about sex. Why else would this thing be so popular?

*End Rant...for now...*